My original post describes my Facebook profile and how it doesn’t quite unveil who I really am because of fear of my friends and family members judging me. For my revision, I specifically addressed my grandmother directly and how I cannot truly be myself on Facebook because she follows my profile.
I got a little nervous when you told me that you were excited to add me as a friend on Facebook; knowing the values you try to instill in me, I am mindful of what will offend you. Ridiculous posts such as “I just smashed this girl in my chem class” will never be found on my page because of you. Who am I? I can truthfully say that I am putting on a show. The pictures on my profile may try to describe who I really am but I am masked behind the threat of you judging my identity, questioning my character, or our relationship being tarnished because of my actions. I am an actor in what seems to be a stage play; I have no freedom in what character I portray.
Years ago, I did not even frequent my Facebook profile; it took many attempts and a couple clicks on the “forgot your password?” link for me to actually reactivate my Facebook page. Now, I use my Facebook account very often and post regularly. My Facebook account boasts 968 friends who hold a variety of social classes, ages, personalities, and opinions. I am often hesitant of what I decide to put on display for all of my interested Facebook friends to see, but it is your opinion that really matters. I know by the abundance of comments and likes on my statuses that you are a frequent visitor of my page. My first amendment rights were immediately taken away from me when I decided to click “accept” to confirm you as one of my Facebook friends. It feels like I always have to impress you and live up to the standards that you set for my brother and me. My posts have changed drastically because of your presence on my profile.
In middle school, I could be seen as a childish kid who posted his excitement of new shoes that were just released. In ninth grade, I posted how many “chicks” I expected to pick up on the first day of school (an “average” freshman at my school). From freshman year to senior year, I began molding into a young adult; I shared my colleges of interest, accomplishments, family, friends, and then finally my college acceptances.
Now, being my friend as a college freshman, you will see some pretty gratifying things. There will soon be pictures of my new friends, grades on my assignments, or the clubs that I have recently joined. It’s a new environment here for me at Emory University. My Facebook profile will be significantly changed due to the unfamiliarity of my surroundings. It is time for me to explore and you will be able to see how much your grandson has grown. I’m sure I will make you proud.
The only thing I ask of you grandma is to always accept me for who I am. I may decide to actually show my true self to my Facebook friends and I don’t want you to think differently of me. I just want some freedom to say whatever I want and use Facebook as an outlet for my feelings and a place to show whom Deion Donnie Love actually is. If I throw a couple curse words in my statuses, don’t be alarmed or if I post some inappropriate pictures, please don’t run and tell my parents. What I am trying to say is, please understand that I am not the little child you were taking care of years ago, I am now a man. I love you and I hope you will always love me, but it is time for me to be the person I was meant to be.
Your loving grandson Deion